Will I ever be able to look at myself and like everything I see in the reflection? I'm so tired of never feeling good enough because I'm not some anorexic, blond bimbo. It doesn't matter how smart, funny, or successful I am as I'll never be datable because by society's standards I'm not 'hot' and apparently that is all that matters these days.
No, I'm not a size 2 and never will be, but I'm not hideous either. I'm so tired of being the funny, cool friend 'with the great personality'. Apparently, I'm only good enough to use and fuck until they find their 'trophy' girlfriend. Hell, even he has to 'window shop' because, I'll do for right now until he finds his barbie doll.
People wonder why I'm such a character; well what choice do I have. The only way for someone so physically average in this bullshit materialistic world to get noticed is to be eccentric. It's a cover for my insecurities. I know I'm not the prettiest, but I can be the funniest.
If only people really knew what was underneath it all. There is a sad, lonely girl who just wants to be loved, to be special and beautiful to someone. It's been so long since anyone has seen me that way and I don't think anyone ever will again.
Friday, March 19, 2010
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