The Life of a Hermit For Me.

I need so much to be inspired these days. I'm so disappointed and negative when it comes to people lately. Every time I meet someone and they seem decent; I just wait for the other shoe to drop. In time, it eventually does and it just reinforces my pessimism. All I want to do is sit and hide and not have to deal with anyone ever again. I'm tired of putting myself out there, and getting nothing in return. The walls just keep getting higher which at this point is okay by me. The less people in my life, the less I will get hurt or be disappointed.

'Till Death Do Us Part'.......Yeah Right!

I was watching some wedding shows on TV today and have figured out why it is I'm still single. Apparently, men only want to spend the rest of their lives with crazy, insane, hell spawns who think the world revolves around them. I guess having a trophy on their arm is more important than having a pair of balls between their legs. The more I watched, the angrier I became as all these women could say was 'ME, ME,ME,ME,ME'.

At one point, one bridezilla in question put a hammer through a wall several times because her fiance asked her to help him paint their bathroom to save money since she was spending it all on their wedding. She squealed and whined like the ungrateful pig she was then destroyed the bathroom wall and had the nerve to say 'she lost her temper a little.' If I were him, that hammer would have went straight through her skull, but instead, he said 'yes dear, anything you want dear' and married the dumb cunt. I give them 6 months, and that is being generous.

It is truly no surprise that relationships don't last more than a couple of years at most. If the only thing people are focusing on with their wedding day is all the material bullshite, then how can they expect to last a lifetime together. I mean seriously, a wedding should be about the celebration of a couples love and the uniting of their lives, instead it's about cakes, decor, wedding dresses, and other irrelevant things.

We truly live in a sad day and age.

Done Like Dinner

I'm tired of only being good enough to fuck and hang out with. I'm so tired of being the 'girl to have fun with'. I am a human being with a heart and a mind. I am sweet, kind, giving, funny, loving, affectionate and so many other things, but no one wants to get to know more than the abilities of my mouth and cunt. I am so tired of men and their selfishness, and I am done.

I can't wait for derby and school to start so I have something positive in my life to focus on rather than wasting my time with childish, hormonal men who only think about where to stick their pricks.

Is It Worth It?

I keep waiting for something that is never going to happen. I hold on and for what? I'm not happy, and haven't been for a long time. My needs and wants are not being met, and I'm left feeling empty and alone all the time. Why be with someone who doesn't want me? He says he does, but his actions show otherwise. He is happier to sit at pubs with strangers and drunks than he is spending time with me. When I am with him, it's like he is too ashamed to even introduce me to anyone or he would rather sit there reading the paper or trying to find someone else to talk too; and I sit there feeling out of place, miserable, and invisible.

My friends all tell me I'm stupid for sticking around, and I know they are right. I don't know why I stay and keep fighting as it's obvious that this isn't going anywhere except where he wants it too which is no where. Hell, I can't even get him to talk to me about any of this; I'm forever dismissed and my feelings are not ever considered.

Today I got accepted to school, something I've been wanting and working towards, and all I get is a 'good for you' text because he is too busy going drinking again with one of his buddies. Everything else is more important, and I'm left standing there looking like a complete fool. I'm not asking to be the most important person in his life, but maybe just once, I would actually like to be considered.

Sometimes I think he's just testing me to see what he can get away with or he is deliberately doing these things so I will walk away. Either way, I guess he's getting what he wants; a girl who will put up with his shite or one that will walk away. I'm tired of it all and as much as I care about him because I know there is a lot more to him than he lets on, I can't keep hurting myself.