Is It Worth It?

I keep waiting for something that is never going to happen. I hold on and for what? I'm not happy, and haven't been for a long time. My needs and wants are not being met, and I'm left feeling empty and alone all the time. Why be with someone who doesn't want me? He says he does, but his actions show otherwise. He is happier to sit at pubs with strangers and drunks than he is spending time with me. When I am with him, it's like he is too ashamed to even introduce me to anyone or he would rather sit there reading the paper or trying to find someone else to talk too; and I sit there feeling out of place, miserable, and invisible.

My friends all tell me I'm stupid for sticking around, and I know they are right. I don't know why I stay and keep fighting as it's obvious that this isn't going anywhere except where he wants it too which is no where. Hell, I can't even get him to talk to me about any of this; I'm forever dismissed and my feelings are not ever considered.

Today I got accepted to school, something I've been wanting and working towards, and all I get is a 'good for you' text because he is too busy going drinking again with one of his buddies. Everything else is more important, and I'm left standing there looking like a complete fool. I'm not asking to be the most important person in his life, but maybe just once, I would actually like to be considered.

Sometimes I think he's just testing me to see what he can get away with or he is deliberately doing these things so I will walk away. Either way, I guess he's getting what he wants; a girl who will put up with his shite or one that will walk away. I'm tired of it all and as much as I care about him because I know there is a lot more to him than he lets on, I can't keep hurting myself.