Fear: an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat
This particular word has been on my mind a lot over the past several months. I'm in awe of the power it has over us and how we live our lives. The effect it has on our choices and behaviours is enormous because it helps to drive so many other emotions like sadness, anger, ambivalence, apathy, etc.
Biologically, fear is an emotion that is designed to protect us from danger by signalling our lizard brain to determine our response to a particular situation. Someone comes at you with a knife, your brain screams "DANGER", and your body physiologically responds to help you fight the threat off or flee to safety. But what happens when the fear moves from a physical threat to a psychological or emotional one? These fears get so deep rooted into our subconscious that we aren't often aware of them anymore. And let's face it, most people aren't interested in looking within and understanding why they do the things they do.
We all justify our choices and behaviours with reasoning, A plus B equals C. Dangerous predator plus potential of death equals run away; makes sense. But let's face it, people are so much more complicated than that, and so is fear. We stay in jobs we hate. We tolerate people we don't like. We stay in abusive relationships. We nod even though we disagree. Instead of understanding why we do these things knowing that they aren't healthy and make us miserable, we find tangible reasons to blame or make excuses. "I don't have time for friends", "the money is good", "I'm too old to start over", "it will hurt their feelings", etc. etc.
As much as we have convinced ourselves that our reasons are just, so many times they are not when we take a closer look. I find this particularly true for myself when it comes to friendships especially. I find so many reasons why I can't be friends with people, always focusing on flaws and why they can't be trusted. When I take a deeper look into my subconscious, I know that it is so much more deep rooted. It is a fear of abandonment, fear of emotional pain, and fear of grief. In the past, when I have been forced to deal with these emotions; they have been unbearable and leave me raw, exposed, and lost. Mix in poor coping skills and self destructive tendencies, and you have an atom bomb on your hands. The results are devastating, damaging, and long lasting. Who wants to put themselves through that? So, instead I play it safe by limiting my interactions with others, hiding my vulnerability with humour, or cutting them out of my life. The worst part of giving into these fears is that I close myself to the possibility of what I desire most in my life, connection and love.
People lead to connection. Connection leads to relationships. Relationships lead to love.
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