No Regrets

Death. It's very much on my mind these days. I think about my dad, and Gage, and what it will be like when I make my final exit. Will I be courageous and strong? Will I be at peace and smile as life fades away? Will I be terrified and try to fight it? Will I be angry, cry and scream? Will it happen quickly or will I suffer? Who will come to my funeral? What will people say about me and how I lived my life? Will my existence have made a difference?

The more I think about it, it's the how I affected people in my life that concerns me. I want to know that I mattered and that I will be remembered fondly. I want to know that I was loved and that I will be missed. When I think of this it makes me want to be a better person; to love more, to forgive more, to be more compassionate, to not sweat the small stuff in life.

I want to be less angry, to see the beauty around me, to love with an open heart because time is short. I want to live as if a child experiencing everything for the first time, to trust and let people in as though I haven't been hurt before. I want to be able, when the time finally comes, to look back on my life and be proud of the person I was and to have no regrets.