'My Life Without Me'

Last night was so horrible, to watch the life you could have had with someone pass before your very eyes. The regrets, the loss, the sadness; and you can't talk about any of it. To see someone you love so dearly bind themselves to another for eternity, and all you can do is focus on the the one thing you want more than anything in the world; the unconditional love of another.

To be surrounded by couples, children and think that this is a future you will never have. To sit alone, to be alone truly and know that it's all your fault. Bad choices, impulsive decisions, never being happy with what you had, so you let it go. You know you deserve to be alone, and even though you tell people it's what you want, you know it's a lie. You lie to them and to yourself and it's why you feel so empty.

To watch other people's happiness, to tell yourself you're okay with it all and for awhile, you're happy for them. Part of you actually believes it, but deep down you know it's pure jealousy because it's been so long since you have felt real happiness. You want what they have, but you don't know how to get it. Hell, you don't think you're worthy of it. How can you be, if you can't find that special someone to mirror your love.

'You deserve the world' he said, but do I? My heart aches so bad to be loved and to love in return. I just want to be someone's something. It's been so long.